6:58 PM


Winnie,

Today's post is gonna to be short cause i've got lots of things to do today... Just finish rushing cooking my family's dinner... 3 dishes is enough to kill me and make my back ach...

Erm... I took a few photos of the dishes cooked today... Maybe posting it up next time when my phone wants and willing to be connected with my computer.. Kay, I think i should go and do other stuff already.. Bye!

11:33 AM


Winnie,

Kay, this morning, wake up with a good mood. Cause its auto alarm! So not very tired. Then i'm thinking, should i complete my geography mind-map on natural vegetation or should i blog first..

And there comes a sms asking to change for a t-shirt size.. So, i on my computer first! Although i won't do anything to my Guzheng blog. Cause i have the hard copy of the t-shirt size!

Kay. Lame i know, i'm just tired of doing all those homework... Still have tonnes to go with...
Geography mind-map...
Geography and social studies reading assignment,
chinese project (f*** lor.. I don't call it a project when everytime i'm the only one doing...)
Ace-learning (I can't see any quiz thou but i believe its still not up yet..)
Biology workbook on the 2 strange chapter which i don't understand a single thing from what Mr Chong is teaching.. Can only understand its about urine cause i see that word very often in that chapter...
Biology TYS...
Biology reading assignment...
AND STUDY FOR BIO TEST!!!

Idiot.. Next year starting of school then test...

Kay... I'm very angry now... Like no one is appreciating what i'm doing... And i'm going to promise that i'm not going to be a fool and take up such ledership again in my life... IF THERE IS, ITS MIRACLE I BELIEVE...

At first, my CCA members are complaining that they wanted a CCA tee cause alot of CCA has..
Then i say ok, i bing it up to Mrs Lim...
Yup, i kept my promise, i brought it up...
It was accepted..
I design the tee...
I looked for the cheapest supplier...
I save them $4/person..
I author the design to the best that i can according to Mrs Lim's idea...

Yup... i think i've devote to the best that i can le... But there is still complain... I don't know why.. Maybe like what i say when i get my end-of-year result??? HUMANS ARE NEVER CONTENTED...

Ya, its good in certain ways... But what i hope now is that they really can appreciate what i'm doing...

5:48 PM


Winnie,

Hi! I'm back in action again. :) Wanted to post some photos me and Xinying took today when we went out but the computer just cannot get connect to my phone! So photos in the later time! :)

Erm, where did i stop? ... ... ... ... Oh, its 12 November. Kay relationship with my mom isn't getting any better at all.. And that's it, i'm not going to talk about all those quarrelssssss that happen in the pass few days.. I'm just in a good mood today cause i went to see my "long long time never see de friend" YEE LEONG GOR GOR!!! :)

Kay, abit high.. :) Miss him lots :) He gave me his 4th book as a jian4 mian1 li3. Erm... I'm thankful.. THANK YOU THANK YOU!! :) BUT!!!! So sorry to say, i'm still halfway through his second book =P He have to pardon me because, HIS BOOK IS IN CHINESE!!! and not only this, i just got his blog's URL and went to take a look but got a shock once again... CAUSE ITS ALSO IN CHINESE!!!

Oh my god! When am i going to finish reading all those things?? Erm.. Seriously speaking, impossible in this holiday... Cause my time is like damn pack with events and CCA and homework..

Erm, i sign up for my volunteering work again today. Yee Leong Gor Gor say most probably its admin stuff and he ask we all (me and Xinying) to come with school so can get CIP hours. WHO CARES about CIP hours. EVERYTHING COMES FROM THE HEART! Not ion the favour of CIP or any P...

Then went to eat breakfast with Xinying at Mt. Alvenia Hospital. Chicken Ham Cheese Sandwich and sweet chili cracker. :) Then we took the shuttle bus to novena, check out my Guzheng T-shirt pricing with another supplier to see if can get a cheaper one.

Erm, after that, go to KK Hospital do some window shoppiong at KK mall. :) At first want eat Macdonald at KK de.. But in the end didn't. =P too ex.

Err.. then go United square eat lunch and Xinying was like saying my mouth small so eat slow. But i suddenly say IS TEETH LESS LA! XD

After that, did some shopping and went home.. :) Today total expanse $8.95 decluding the dinner dish that mummy ask me to buy which is about $3.50 i think.

6:03 PM


Winnie,

Today's post is going to be dry... Cause i'm dying...!!! My computer is moving at the speed of a snail. And can you imagine that i can type faster than what is appearing on my computer screen?

But one thing i should be happy about is that, "TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF HOLIDAY INTENSIVE PROGRAMME FOR ME!" Kay, i'm abit... ... High! XD

Lots of things are just happening in these few days.. There are good ones and of course the bad ones... But what that upset me quite alot is my mom... She's like.. Unhappy with whatever things that i'm doing...

Last time, i didn't do well, she scold and nag and restrict this and that... I can't say anything, cause i'm the one in fault cause i didn't do well! But now, i've tried my best, result is out... If she's not happy with my result, she can just shut her mouth and do her own stuff right?

Then now, everyday also scold scold scold, nag nag nag... Restrict this restrict that... Even the things i wear... I don't know what she want from me... Because of little things, we quarrel...

I really don't wish and don't want to quarrel with her... but she is abit too far... FINE if i take it that all parents are like that... But one thing that she will never never know.....

SHE MAKE ME MISS MY DAD EVEN MORE WHENEVER I QUARREL WITH HER! If good results is what she want, then what can i do? I'm only this clever... And if 15 years ago, she choose to give birth to me, then treat me fairly!

Celia may be right that there are tonnes of people out there acting in their daily life... They like it! Cause they don't want to reveal their truth self! They don't want the others to know about them!

BUT! what can i do? If i have the choice, i won't act too! ITS TIRING, to put on FAKE SMILES!

BUT DOES ANYONE KNOW, HOW BADLY I WANTED TO BE THE GIRL THAT ALL MY FRIENDS SEE ME AS??? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED BETWEEN MY DAD AND I FOR THE PAST 13 YEARS WHICH I "ENJOY"???

"NO!" no one knows except me!

Sometimes, i really really wanted it so much to hug someone tightly and cry... I wanted it so much that someone could understand me... Its like.. Definitely not my friends... They are just abit too young for me to tell them certain things...

Maybe fate is what that makes me different from others... And i've learn my lesson... Not to share it with my teachers! The very first thing that i know that is, "THEY ARE ADULT!" and they always stand on my mother's side...

What i did, for my family, for my school, for my class, for my CCA, is never never never appreciated by anyone... and i don't understand the purpose of me, still being alive on this world for?

TO BE NEGLECTED? TO BE USED AS MAID? TO BE USED AS SPARE FRIEND???

5:33 PM


Winnie,

:) :) Today, my junior Zi Qi came to my house to practice Guzheng..

She's like damn quiet... ask her, "You want Ribena? You want almond water? You want apple juice? You want Barley water? You want Milo? You want Root beer? You want H2O?" And she keep on skaking her head! zhen1 bu4 gei3 mian4 zi3!

But when i was getting ready Sally and my lunch, the idea of frying chicken pop into my mind. :) And i also fried one more for Zi Qi and force her to eat! :) "SHE SAID THAT ITS NICE!!!" :)

I secretly took this picture when she was practicing. :)
Then when i was telling Sally to zoom in, she heard that and she saw what we are doing... But in the end, she requested that we take photo together.. :) CAN SEE THAT SHE ISN'T THAT HAPPY TAKING PHOTO WITH SALLY RIGHT?!?!" :)



7:56 PM


Winnie,

Kay.. All the beautiful illustion is over! and now, i've once again changed my blogskin! And i think i can't blog much today... Cause just the "past history" is taking up most of my time and its still not done!

Kay, i'm not going to care about that column.. As long as now, my music is in, my tag board is in, my new counter is up and all my particulars is in! :)

And oh ya.. I've change a new counter... That old counter just just jumping like siao... So now, i using a counter from different website.. Hope this website the boss's maths didn't fail and hope he know how to count properly.. XD

Kay.. its v.v.v.v. late now and, ITS TIME FOR DINNER!!!!! :):)

7:27 PM


Winnie,

I'm abit blur today.. But actually i wanted to blog on the commendation day.. But i think i'll blog it when i'm more ok and awake.. :)

Erm.. Those in red are copy and paste from the past post... And those in blue are my current results... And i think i'll update you on my results... But don't ba sadden that i didn't meet my target... This few days i'm also quite upset with my results...

Semester 1 results:
English - C6-54.4
Chinese -B4-64.1
A-maths - A1-88.4
E-maths - A1-77.3
Biology - A2-74.4
Combine Science-(Physics+Chemistry) - A1-82.3
Combine humanities-(SS+Geography) - C5-57.4

Total - 498.4/700
Percentage - 71.2%
Class position - 2/38
Level position - 33/198
L1R5 - 16

Target results for semester 2:
English - B4-60
Chinese - B3-67
A-maths - A1-92
E-maths - A1-85
Biology - A1-82
Combine Science - A1-87
Combine humanities - B3-67

Total - 540/700
Percentage - 77.1%
Class position - 1 0r 2/38 (doesn'y really matter)
Level position - 24-32/198 (I want my $300!!!)
L1R5 - I don't know how to count

Actual result for semester 2:
English - C5-55
Chinese - B3-66
A-maths - A1-91
E-maths - A1-76
Biology - A1-73
Combine Science - A1-82
Combine humanities - B3-67

Total - 510/700
Percentage - 72.9%
Class position - 1/38
Level position - 19/198
L1R5 - 13

Erm... ... I think so far, only my Combine humanities meet my target in term of subject wise...
But at least got improvement from semester 1... ... 4 subjects improve... 3 deprove... And i think its the subjects that has improve cheer me up... Especially A-maths... :) Kay... I must remember what Mr Lim says... I must not be too happy and contented... MUST WORK HARDER!!!!

But hor... abit tired already leh.. Still got 1 more year.. Sigh! When can all this torture end???

And let's pray hard that tomorrow's biology 'o' level practical the potato strip will come out and not the what stupid chinese leek which i don't even know what is it! Sigh!

Tomorrow will be a tiring day for me... In the morning, got exam... After that, have E-maths make-up class cause i was hospitalize and on MC for 3 days... Then at 1pm plus like that, must go fetch my junior to my house for her to practice... Sigh!!!

Almost everyday before 21st November i'm occupied!!! Can anyone tell me???



5:51 PM


Winnie,

From 27/10 to 29/10, i'm having my 3days 2night chalet at KK hospital... And it isn't a fun site for chalet i can confirm you...

Tuesday morning 3.30... Wake up then feel like vomiting... Then start to go toilet to realease my rectum... And its non-stop!!! Then after my first release, i started vomiting... ...

At 5am like that, asthma suddenly built up... ...Then, warder decided to take me to the hospital cause she scared i die le no one help... ...

Reach le hospital, the idiot doctor gave me glucose water and force me to finish it every 15minutes!!! And i vomited every 15minutes right after i drink the water!!!

Then at 9am like that, the doctor say cannot... ... What comes out is more than what goes in... If continue to vomit like this, i will dehydrate de... Then say must hospitalize!!! Go up to my ward, the first doctor come visit me... Then say want put me on drip...

And i started to do some things that is expected that i'll do... ITS TO CRY!!! I thought the doctor would forget about the idea of putting the drip... BUT SHE DIDN'T!!!!! She ask 4 nurse to press me down then put the drip... ITS VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY PAINFUL that i only stop crying 15minutes after she inserted that drip...

This is a few pictures of my pathetic hand... Still got date on the sticker to prove the date it was put on!


This is taken on the day i discharged.. :) Reach home le phone got battery liao can take photo le.. :)

5:25 PM


Winnie,

Haha... :) All these photos is like super long ago de.. :) But i promise to blog it.. So i must keep my promise and blog it.. :) Cause my pfone FINALLY is connected to my computer!!! :) This is taken on the day i put on my cast... Don't small look this cast hor!!! ITS VERY HEAVY!!! And my neck is almost breaking after carrying this to school for the whole day... :)

And i think this is taken 2 months afer my cast was removed... Abit nicer... I mean the colour.. Kay... I want upload other photos already... not talking much about my pathetic hand anymore today.. :)

6:33 PM


Winnie,


6:27 PM


Winnie, I felt a bit better after seeing this photo.. Don't know why.. For that moment, my mind is off from lots of things..


5:29 PM


Winnie,

Kay.. What should i say.. I'm like .!.!.! See her.. don't see her.. See her.. Don't see her... Kay.. i Don't think anyone understand what am i writing.. I wanted to tell her exactly what happen... But i'm afraid that i might break out anytime.. In the end, i ran away..

I'm really sorry for my irresponsibility but... I'm really... Very very very down this few days..

I feel like lending someone's shoulder to cry on.. But i don't even dare to open my mouth to request for it!!! I'm stuck when i was about to request for this kind of things... Sigh! USELESS...

Maybe, all this could be over? I wish so...

This kind of result.. Is confirm a nag or a scolding... I bet...
This kind of progress in my sec 1s junior... Its not bringing any good to me nor themselves..
This kind of classmates... Who only know how to .... .... me... ESPECIALLY WHEN I"M NOT IN A GOOD MOOD AND WAS ABOUT TO CRY...
This kind of things happening to me at this point of time... I don't want to go for the ------!!!

Everyone thought that i'm a strong girl... I'm not! I don't want all this thongs to happen! I don't want... I REALLY REALLY DON'T WANT!!!

1:28 PM


Winnie,

Whatever i should say for today.. I'll just take it as a... ... venting??? WHATEVER!

Yeasterday night.. Before going to sleep, quarrelled with that WARDER! then this morning wake up, quarrelled again.. Don't know what she want.. Feel guilty after her college fell?? But its not my fault!

Forgot wash clothes scold... Left out one dish didn't bring out for dinner also scold.. Tell her 27/10 got parent's night also scold.. What she want?!?!

Forgot wash then forgot wash la.. On the spot wash for you also nag nag nag.. Is like halo!!! Its not my clothes!!! He go army he should learn to be more independent! AND LEARN TO WASH HE"S OWN CLOTHES! NOT ASK HIS SISTER TO WASH FOR HIM!!! Pissed off!

And that dish that i didn't left out is my favourite dish leh.. Do you think i purposely don't bring out?!?! And worst still.. Not happy that there's a parent's night.. SCOLD ME???

Go scold the principal la! My fault meh? You think i like you to go to school to hear all those comment meh?? And somemore.. anutie and "almost going to be auntie" people topic is like!!! And am i going to sit there and listen to all those stuff??

I really don't understand alot of things... ... Everytime ask then they will say "Children won't know de la! Don't ask so much!" Halo! You all don't say how can i know even if i really can understand?!?!

Very very very very very very very very very very very very fed up!

Don't speak as if i'm not going to grow up like that! And if you don't know understand what i'm trying to say, don't take it that i'm saying something that look down upon you! F--- OFF la!

I never ever complain about those things that you all can't gave me to you.. Isn't that enough?!?!

If you think that this is not enough, then don't give birth to me in the first place when whatever things i do is bad to you!

Showing off my results to ah ma, gan ma, xiao jiu mu, auntie amy.. ... You think its good.. But have you ever know how i feel?!?! What if the next test i can't do that well?

Whatever.. adults are selfish! They only think for themselve and now.. I hate them!!!!!!

3:11 PM


Winnie,

Erm.. I think my blog counter got problem.. Cause it doesn't know how to count!!! from 1999, the next number it jump to is not 2000. And who knows what it jump to???

12000!!! I admit i'm not that famous.. But nice number.. may be there's something wrong with the counter ba.. Don't know..

Anyway, i just heard the news on thursday that WOODLANDS RING SECONDARY SCHOOL IS HAVING ANOTHER PUBLIC PERFORMANCE!!! Kay.. why am i so excited?!?! Abit sort now.. And my instructor say just play the 2 2009SYF pieces.. And yesterday lesson we got a trial of the 2 songs..

Guest what?!?! :)

First song middle part when all the far and ti notes come in, the zheng er people is like OMG OMG.. Yinhong laoshi gonna vomit blood if she's going to hear that.. But surprisingly, the far and ti notes is soooooooooooooooo nice!!!!!!! Can't believe so long never use tuner practice still can press until so accurate.. :)

But until the ending part, me and Celia was like... ... "What's the next note what's the next note??" And we start looking at Yi Yun and she's asking the same question also.. :) But in the end, anyhow play 2 notes... Don't know correct anot.. But Yinhong laoshi say not bad leh.. :)

Wah! so long never hear her praise us le! sound so nice..

Then 2nd song was better.. Yinhong laoshi give the face of satisfaction.. Whooooo! :) I'm once again happy.. :)

And we are learning a new song.. Can't say the title.. learn the lesson from ex-senior... :) clever me! k.. i'm like getting more and more BHB and BHB and even more BHB!!!

Who knows, maybe i'm going to become the president of Singapore?!?! Haha! I'm thinking too far.. And that's not my ambition too! Althought that job can earn more money.. :)

I'm talking crap now... Actually.. there are lots of unhappy and sad memorise going on in my mind.. I don't know if it help.. But i'm trying out new ways to oversome it.. And one of it is to be as happy as possible and don't think about those unwanted memorise which belong to me..

I hope this works. Cause i watched a show which says that if one person is not happy and is under stress condition, the person will get depression.. AND THAT"S NOT WHAT I WANT!

So now, my aim is to smile and smile and smile!!! One of my closer friend told me that this is not a good strategy to overcome unwanted memorise.. this is called running away from reality..

But if i don't do this, who is going to help me? I don't want to go for counselling!

And what ever crap i should say, I don't want others to worry about me cause of my problem!

7:57 PM


As requested by Qiu Yi, she said that i got no photo in blog...
For anyone's information, there IS photo in my blog!


6:59 PM


Winnie,

What should i say for today.. Yes my mood did get better after getting back A-maths paper.. Cause i got 56/60 for paper 1 and 58/60 for paper 2.. Which mean to say that i got 95/100 for my EOY A-maths!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr Lim say that i shouldn't be happy cause this is not o'level standard paper... Only sec 3 standard only.. But don't care.. At least i can be happy for now... And its like halo!!! i just got back all my paper in this 3 days and can't i just be happy cause i score well?!?!

Don't care.. I'm happy.. But i want more!!! HUMANS ARE NEVER CONTENTED! Anyone dare to prove me wrong? no right? Who on earth will feel that they score too high and want to score lower in the next test?!?! no right? cause i'm RIGHT!!!

What am i talking... I'm abit crazy after taking back my A-maths paper.. Cause i win that f------ friend of mine... .... Oh yea!

God! I'm like Mdm Jas... Starting to self-entertain.. :) If Mdm Jas see this will she be happy that her student are turning to be like her?!?! Kay, i think i'm thinking too much.. In the first place i don't think she knows that i have a blog!

I think i'm driving you crazy with my mood.. :) Suddenly very happy.. Suddenly very sad.. :) MOOD SWING!! :)

Today during e-maths, there's 2 jokes going consecutively and its making me go mad especially Farah's one.. :)

When Ms Toh enter the class, she realised that she didn't bring up her cable.. So she went down to take.. Then just when she dissapear into the corrider, Farah shouted "Wanwei, i can see your bra, its yellow in colour.." OMG! She's like damm loud and the whole class look at Wanwei.. Sigh! Wanwei ah Wanwei.. You going to the beach after school meh?!?!

Then awhile later, Ms Toh come back.. Then Jiayi shouted " Ms Toh neck got mole!" I thought what lorh! I was quite normal when she say that cause i thought its normal to have it.. But you know what's Ms Toh reaction???? "This is a pretty woman mole!" OMG.. Why my e-maths teacher all abit sort sort BHB BHB derh?!?!

Mdm Jas like that.. Mr Chan (ZiXian) like that... Then now Ms Toh also like that?!?!?! Haha!
When Ms Toh first step into the class, i thought she's a student! =.= Then until Mdm Jas ask to greet her than i know she's not..

She's very quiet.. and shy.. (first impression only) :) then as time passed by.. i realise that she's not that... ... .... :):) And turning to be like Mdm Jas!!!!

But nevermind.. At least i enjoyed and look forward for her lesson.. Cuase she's making me laugh and forgot all my prob for that 1hour of lesson.. :)

Kay, what ever crap i should say... I'm pull to go for Guzheng today... Erm... think i'm not that angry anymore.. Cause today, the juniors is making me laugh for the whole lesson.. I told them that if the still don't get the beats right, i'm going to become monk SOON! Cause i'm using the mu3 yu2 to correct their beats and i was somehow "bullied" by it...

Cause it keep on turning and turning for every beat i hit.. Maybe that's the reason the percussion teacher kick me out? But for all i know, Mrs Nogh suggested to kick me out of percussion cause she said that i was too short and the audience cannot see me!!!

What a lame reason right? can she be more creative with her reason? ha! :) But nevermind.. i still play well in Guzheng.. i hope that my hand can recover before the grading exam... i already missed it for 2 years already.. All thanks to Yinhong laoshi.. She forgot to register me in!

Kay.. more of the juniors.. They didn't play well today.. But i set a punishment for them.. I make them go learn old songs and sing in during this friday's lesson.. No more chicken dance anymore.. Its outdated le!

I heard that there's another big performance like last year's 10th anniversary next year.. And so because of that.. The sec ones have to be more hardworking.. But they are not now!! I'm even more anxious than them.. I don't want anything like this year's Chinese new year to happen again..

Dump the whole of sec2s to me and expect me to train them.. In the end, before the performance train until so well, real performance don't know what they do.. Play until !@#%^&*()@#$*(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What ever.. and i'm the one being scolded on behalf of all the sec2s by yinhong laoshi.. Sigh!

Kay.. I don't want to continue more.. if not i'm will sound even more like Mdm Jas.. :) Haha!

5:22 PM


Winnie,

sorry to vent my anger or i should say sadness here.. I'm just simply very pissed off by those problems that is going on in Guzheng.. I've got enough of them already.. Teachers so what?!?! Without me, can the planning be out? And thay are saying all these things like 理所当然 and its my job to plan for them..

What shit is this?!?! I'm their maid? At least if they don't appreciate, they can just shut up and don't say anything.. They don't have to say such mean things to hurt me! !#@#$%^&*($^&*#

I think i'm not going to care anything if they are not going to clearify with me why are they doing all this...

I know by saying all this, is very very disrespectful.. But how should i phrase it? If i'm going to keep this inside me, i think i will explode one day...

YES, I DON'T GET ANGRY EASILY.. BUT THIS DOESN'T MEAN THAT I WON'T GET ANGRY AND IT ALSO DOESN'T MEAN THAT PEOPLE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME CAUSE OF THIS!

Maybe i should say so much.. It will just make me feel even angrier and angrier..



4:49 PM


Winnie,

I'm super damm pissed off today.. Since yesterday morning then my mood already... ... I should say not very nice or good? k. whatever.. I can't express myself with my limited vocab..

For all you know, i failed my english again... ... Ya.. i'm saying it like i feel nothing like that.. CAUSE, its not my first time!!!! OMG.. I seem to be so happy that i failed.. When i went back home yesterday and told mummy that i failed my english paper 2, she asked me "Then paper 1 leh?" I told her that peper 1 heaven take back.. You know what's her reaction?!?!?!?!

Orh!

k.. I don't think she's surprise.. If one day i go home and tell her i passed my english, i think she will be shock and start jumping around like crazy woman.. I hope that she can besome like that one day.. Cause i don't wanna to be failing ANYMORE!!!

I've been reading and reading and reading... But still fail english.. Worst still.. If i say this, i don't think anyone would believe me... ...

I CAN'T DIFFERENTIATE PAST TENSE, PRESENT TENSE AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS VERB, ADVERB, ADJETIVES AND WHATEVER SHIT TERM THAT IS USE IN ENGLISH!!!

I've been asking around for help but like anyone believe that i really don't know... Even my teachers also don't believe... If can understand , then why asked?!?!?!?! Waste me saliva meh?

I think i'm really hopeless... ... ... ...

I'm having the feeling of giving up. Very strong feeling.. I'm really very tired already.. So many people in my class are just simply cleverer than me.. I don't know what i'm doing.. My results are simply from good to worst!

I know that under pressure, people can't do well.. But i can't help myself from all this pressure?!?!

Arrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12:27 PM


Winnie,

I don't think i can read anyone's blog.. Some of them are just making me jealous or maybe angry.. Like all teenage girls, i have my own crave.. But it won't be fulfilled without someone in life..

I just watch a show yesterday night.. I'm not going to say which show it is.. But i really envious that girl so much.. She's like so lucky that she can walk into that nice ballroom with her dad holding her hand..

Kay.. don't talk about that girl.. Its a show.. So its fake!! Maybe she not that lucky in real life?!?!

What am i doing now? cursing people? OMG! i can't believe i'm this kind of people.. Sigh..

And to one of my friend whom i consider myself as eating mate to her, i know how she feel.. Exactly! I'm sorry i can't be there for you.. You know, my current condition... ...

I know how it hurts to see your love ones suffer... I know how the suffer is to carry the burden of your family.. I know how it feels to do those things that our age people don't have to do... I know how helpless you are when the doctor tells you the current condition of your love ones..

But one important thing i have to let you know is that, "life has to go on no matter what".. I don't know if you have the same thought as me.. Maybe not.. Cause you are more mature now.. unlike me, i was just 9 when i experience all this.. So the way i react to things may be different..

When i know about all this, i ask god why all this things have to happen to my dad and not others... I blame my dad that its his fault to have cancer and cause me not to be able to have he childhood time like every child has.. I'm guilty now.. Cause i know that its not what he wanted too...

Maybe i know why you don't want to let your friends know about your dad's condition... But for me, its cause i don't want others to pity me.. I don't need their sympathy.. Friends always said that they will be there for me... CRAP SHIT!!! They don't have to lie to me if they can't in the first place..

Kay why am i telling all this things?!?! I'm not sure if my happenings will light you up.. But hope i did.. Maybe i can let you know that you are not the most unlucky person in life.. I'm not sure if this work.. But whenever i'm down, i tell myself that there are still people that are more unlucky than me.. sometimes it work, sometime not.. You can try..

Don't prob too much about guys.. They are just a piece if ... ... .... where they rise your spirit and let you fall.. Now, most important thing is to study hard and fulfill your dream.. :)

You know what mine is.. I'm not going to say it out here.. I don't want make my another people tear cause of what i want..





And time for my words.. Friends and t-----r always say that they will be there for me.. I appreciate that they make the effort to say that.. I makes me feel that i'm not alone at that point of time.. But i don't know why.. When i really need them, THEY ARE NOT REACHABLE AT ALL!!!

PLEASE!!!!

I'm not asking for much.. But don't make promises and break them! Where are you all when i need you?!?! And you still have face to ask me call you so many times for what!?!?!?

Kay.. I think i shold just end here.. Sorry if i offended anyone.. But sorry.. I'm just angry.. For a very very long time without venting it out..

3:00 PM


Winnie,

I just read one of my friend's blog.. I realised i'm not a good friend afterall.. I can't de there for her.. I hated that guy that she said she's close to and she call her her SM!

I don't know if i'm jealous or what.. I don't know why.. I just don't understand why no one wants me.. Is it that it is true that some people are borned to be forgotten or neglect??

I don't dare to ask much from her, cause everyone is treating me that way.. So maybe i'm the one to be easily forgotten..

seniors? don't talk about them.. thay are just simply seniors that teaches me GZ..

juniors? maybe they only treat and see me the same way as see seniors? i don't know.. but they seldom talk to me..

classmate? don't talk about them. if they would just stop all those gossip, then i would me more than happy to have them as my friend..

what else?

i don't think i worth anyone's love.. not even my parent or friends or teachers.. i'm just didn't did my part as their daughter or friends or student..

2:07 PM


Winnie!!!!

I bet you miss me lots right? :) I dying of all the homework and exam.. But! I'm free now.. Cause, ITS OVER! ITS OVER! ITS OVER! At least for a moment or so i can relax abit.. Very stress this few weeks..

Actually, i've got lots and loads of photos to post.. But no matter how i try to connect, the computer don't detect my phone. Sigh! Nevermind, i'll flood my blog with words first. :)

Erm... where should i start first?? maybe i'm not going to post or tell you all those small small little little things that happen.. Maybe i will talk on a big event.. :)

On 13th July, morning 8plus like that.. the first PE lesson in term 3. :) I fractured my left ring finger. Its ok, i'm not going to hate that person who throw that ball to me after calling me. Things and life still have to go on with my hand in that big and heavy cast whereby my mom say that when i sleep, the hand is so heavy that i stay that position for the whole night. :)

After one week, when back to see the doctor.. Then the doctor say heaven recover.. But now, put mini bandage. :) And about 1 month later, went for my second x-ray.. I didn't cry.. Although its still pain. :)

After the x-ray, the doctor say the crack almost recover already. So, sent me for physiotherapy.. Sorry if i spell it wrongly. Then things go on and on and on... ...

On 1st September, Something happen to me again.. This time round its not something like bone fracture like that.. I went to KK A&E in the middle of the night.. Because of what, i'm not going to say much here.. As all along i say, this blog is my close friend but it shouldn't know so much after i unprivate it.. But at most i can say that is i'm channel to the "Children Surgery Centre" department after that...

Then erm... nothing big happen.. Afterall, i still have one more good news to tell you other than all my pathetic happenings. :) I TOP MY CLASS FOR TERM 3!!!

Finally i beat that ... ... But not very happy.. Cause its just a different of 0.3%!!!! What a close fight... I don't think i dare to say anything.. Cause i just finish my EOY exam and i don't dare to say that i can do well.. Have a feeling that i'll do badly for this biology exam..

And i really have to say that i hated some kind of people who everytime tell me this, "Aiya, you so clever already then no need study already ma! Give other people a chance to score."... What kind of friend should i call this?

I not trying to put across that i'm clever, good or what.. But i really don't like some of the comment that i've heard. ITS HURTFUL DON'T THEY KNOW THAT?!?!?!?

I don't know.. But i think i shou;dn't talk about this now.. It spoil my happy mood.. Finally after exam already.. I MUST be more happy..

I'm sorry if this period of time i've made anyone worried about me due to my emotions or what.. But really very stress for the past few days.. Really sorry..

Erm.. I don't know what to write.. I think i becoming more and more inhibited after so long time and not posting or speaking out.. Sigh! But i speak out my difficulty, it also won't help. So let it be ba!

Arrrrrgggghhhhh! VERY BORED! BUT WHAT CAN I DO NOW?!?!?!

7:01 PM


Euge!! So long never blog already.. Blogger change is format.. Sorry friends for not updating.. Csuse if i were to blog now, it will take a long time for me to type due to my hand injury.. Maybe i'll update it on friday when i don't have to go to school.. :)

1:45 PM


Winnie,
I'm turning.. I'm thinking.. I'm t-ing.. kay.. I'm becoming more and more sensitive nowadays i think.. And its like... ... Hey you!!! I don't think anyone is going to understand my post... ...

But i have a strong and weird feeling.. Mummy don't want the house anymore.. Just now... ... Before she goes to work, she cook curry chicken for me.. Then she hug me and say "在家里要乖乖听话" then she go to work...

She never say all these things to me before.. I don't know why.. This feeling is very very strong.. And it makes me feel very very scared.. I really really don't know if it mean something..

I don't know why.. I know that she's so pian xin and bias towards gorgor.. But i'm still so afraid to lose her.. I very very afraid that she will leave me..

I already don't have a father.. I don't want to become an orphan.. I really really don't want... ...

6:48 PM


Winnie,
I finally have some reasons for myself to on my computer.. And i remember that tuesday Mrs kok know my name cause of my stupidness.. We had a principal talk in the thretrette on tuesday and Mrs kok asked who had done with your holiday assignment and is ready to hand in at any point of time..

Know what? I'm the only one in my class that raise my hand.. And she asked for my name... ...
Si liao la from then on.. She saw me outside class then she always give me the very close look.. Like she know me very well like that..

I abit sian le from that point of time on.. And i'm like... ... Zombie walking around in the school.. Worst still.. My blur queen name still exist.. E-maths bring A-maths book.. A-maths bring E-maths book.. heng Mdm Jas dunno.. If not she's gonna call me a blur queen again and start all those sarcastic conversation when she sees me outside class..

And today.. Mrs rebekah lim is saying something that i don't understand at all.. But its in english.. And after she repeat a few times, then i get the question that she's asking me am i okay not.. :) Sorry! I'm just not paying attention to what she's saying.. She did pronounce her words clearly.. :)

And Mrs Lim say that Guzheng will probably start next week.. Whee!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My hands are so itchy and i don't think i can take it anymore.. And if CCA really start next week, the sec1s are coming in!! And i can self-introduce myself in a "creative" way again.. Cause most of the sec1s probably know me already.. I'm famous in Guzheng i don't know why.. The whole general office know that Yokeleng is from Guzheng!!! XD

It seems that my mood had turn better today.. I doesn't feel that sad now.. But instead,, i'm very tired this few days.. I think i've not adjust to the mode of school after the long holiday which i wake up at noon..

But all the stress that i've got when i'm in the 1st semester comes back again.. Abit different cause now i feel abit more stresser than last semester.. I don't know why.. I'm like... ... I can't accept the truth that i'm only like that.. Not any more clever than what i want.. but making sure that i maintain is not an easy task also..

My time like very pack like that.. I see Wanwei they all everyday go shopping and can still be so stressless.. I'm so guilty men.. I didn't go out = i'll have more time at home = i have more time for work = i won't fell any stresser than them..

But i'm not = = = =... ... Sigh.. School seems so boring.. And yesterday night i watch a programme and i saw some of the kids in the show swimming.. like so shoik lo.. How i wish i know how to swim and i can swim like them.. But now, i only know how to drown.. SIGH!!!

OMG!! I just heard from Xinying that tomorrow must hand in A-maths with all the correction done.. I think can't Blog already..

5:28 PM


Winnie,
I think i'm more than worry now.. Doctor Tan is reading my blog now.. Somehow i feel that i regreted telling her my blog.. Later she go tell my mummy then i sure die de.. Sigh!

I think i'm worrying too much and... too much things are just pestering me.. True enough for Ms Tang to say that i can't gain confident with attention.. But I can't be talking to the air and my soft toy all the time right??? At least an "orh" as an indication that she heard what i say..

Sigh!.. I think its more than just hard to get attention from mummy.. And maybe or probably its impossible to get it?? Its now becoming a she1 wang4 for me to get it.. In my dreams?? Let's hope so.. I normally won't dream of what i want..

Sigh! (i'm sighing more than an adult i think)...

Sometimes i don't think speaking out helps at all.. I just feels like hugging someone and cry.. Not someone with many many bones.. :) I wanted/need some cushion.. :)

My mouth is just simply aching from all the fake smile.. It hurts to put on fake smiles..

Smiling is something good to do.. Cause its an exercise.. Its FOC (free-of-charge) cause it doesn't need money..

Its something that i can give it to others easily.. But its also something that i'm not having naturally..

I accept that God cannot be fair all the times.. But i can't stop saying that why am i the unfortunate ones.. Why my friends can have complete family and why i can't??

I really don't mind if i'm rich or poor.. I just wanted a complete family.. And now.. everything is over.. And i don't know why this is still in me and i'm talking about it everytime..

It hurts to see people celebrate father's day and going out with their fathers.. Especially when i'm down with something else.. when friends bully me.. when mummy ignores me.. when i saw happy families on the streets.. But i can't blame anyone..

I'm just sick and tired of being still alive when no one in my house knows what i really want..

Without noticing, my face just got wet blogging all this.. I'm really at a lost.. When i think of all this i really really wanted to cry out.. All the tears that are rolling in my eyes seems to tell me that i don't know the world..

Just without anything to end, i'll feel like ending my post and not talk about anything that happen today.. Cause joy doesn't seems to cover over my stress and sadness..

12:11 PM


Winnie,
Today its the last day of holiday le.. I like did nothing during the holidays like that... Except holiday assignment and abit of social studies revision.. But i agree with what Mr Tay say la.. Social studies in short is "SS".. So in full is "Sure Sleep".. Nice right?? Cause i revise one unit then i zzz,zzz already..

But i got perserverance.. I finish revising all the chapters covered.. :) (there's only one chapter..) So what kind of perserverance is this called?? :) I think this will be my last post for this month ba.. Cause tomorrow school reopen then gonna stuck up with many many things..

And i just got a good news from my letter box yesterday.. And that is next week no CCA and assembly.. :) Okay.. I know its nothing much to be happy.. But i'm still happy cause of this.. :P

I really really don't want to go back to school.. I feel like saying out the reasons.. But this blog shouldn't know so much.. I'm more of the inside than outside like no one know like that.. And and and,... i think that i'm not blogging like the others did.. They just simply blog how they feel, what happen and their thoughts.. But i find it difficult expressing myself..

I think i prefer keeping it to myself?? And to Yeeleong gorgor?? I treat him like my secret box like that.. Everything also tell him.. But sometimes its difficult to get him.. Cause he's now in Bangkok i think.. And even if he's in songapore, he's always busy with his work.. I really very pei fu with his work..He's so engross.. :P And sorry yeeleong if you see this.. ): I really appreciate it when you share your time with me.. :) Thanks.. :)

Not only personal problems totally... I think i have to force myself to say out something.. I don't want to turn pchychotic..

I really have to say sorry to my junior Kelvin.. Your senior here can help you.. But not all promblems that you have i can help.. Some of the things are really not my problem.. I can't interfere so much.. Its not that i don't wanna help.. But sometimes some of the things you really have to solve it yourself..

I can sometimes give you some useful quotes.. But so far i'm running out of it on you.. :P Really sorry.. You really have to learn to let go some things somtimes.. I know its difficult to let go.. But you have to.. If not you will suffer like me.. I'm sorry that i didn't reply to your sometimes.. Cause i really have nothing to say or i don't know what to say.. Or in shot, i'm helpless.. Sorry..

Other than all this.. I don't think i can say out much.. Sometimes i feel like crying out.. But crying is just a state of self-pity.. I don't want others to pity me cause of my background.. I want prove to others that i'm nothing different to normal people..



12:05 PM


Winnie,
Today blog so early.. LOL.. I don't think i got much to say about happening.. Cause nothing happened!! :) I just wake up only.. All thanks to Kayee's wake up sms.. My whole bed is vibrating and... ... i'm dreaming that i'm playing!!! :) I think i've gone abit hairwire liao.. :)

2 weeks ago i got an injection in my right butt.. Now still abit painful.. Then yesterday got an injection on my left hand.. Now my musvle on my left hand ach like siao! Then on wednesday, i told myself that i'm so clever and i'm a tian cai.. Just because i did alot of things on that day..

I pack my table, washed 2 pair of my school shoe(one from OBS till now de.. stinking liao) :):)...
Then after that i still vacuum the floor, washed the clothes, fried egg and practice the Guzheng..

I'm gonna make yinhong laoshi cry if she sees this.. And i just realise that i'm a pro leh! Cause ao long le i still can remember how to play the 2 SYF songs, huo ba jie zhi ye, gua hong deng, shan xi diao, da chang jin, yan bian zhi de, xue shan zhi de, gan chang, bie chu na er you n many more simple simple de song.. Those that i mention are performing songs.. :)

And i got something so say.. Seriously, I don't wish that school ropen.. I also don't know why.. But what i can tell is that i don't want to go back is not because i didn't do my work or i don't like to study or what.. I'm thinking of alot of reason to validify why i don't want go school.. Its somrthing i think its serious to me.. Cause what can i do if i don't study??

Maybe afterall, i'll have some reason?? But for now i'm just afraid to go to school.. I don't want to see my classmates(even if i'm missing them for now..).. i really really don't know why.. Or maybe deep deep inside i know.. But i just need a listening ear and not an eye to read my blog..

Truth have to be truth.. I have to go to school even if i'm scared so what.. I'm going to make sure i score well in the end-of-year exam.. And targeting should start now..

Present results:
English - C6-54.4
Chinese -B4-64.1
A-maths - A1-88.4
E-maths - A1-77.3
Biology - A2-74.4
Combine Science-(Physics+Chemistry) - A1-82.3
Combine humanities-(SS+Geography) - C5-57.4

Total - 498.4/700
Percentage - 71.2%
Class position - 2/38
Level position - 33/198
L1R5 - 16

Targeted results:
English - B4-60
Chinese - B3-67
A-maths - A1-92
E-maths - A1-85
Biology - A1-82
Combine Science - A1-87
Combine humanities - B3-67

Total - 540/700
Percentage - 77.1%
Class position - 1 0r 2/38 (doesn'y really matter)
Level position - 24-32/198 (I want my $300!!!)
L1R5 - I don't know how to count

Sigh! my target sound abit ridiculous to my especially my english.. Since sec1, my english have never never appear above 60 in my report book.. I don't know if my target is achievable not.. But at least i try bah.. But i really really get more and more scared as the day goes by to school reopen.. :'(

I don't want to go to school!!!

6:52 PM


Winnie,
Your darling me is back again.. But today is abit different.. Cause i'm trying to use proper english to blog.. You know why? Cause someone inspiring out there say that i can improve my english if i blog and speak in proper english.. :)

And i feel so guilty wearing the "speak good english" badge when i'm not.. I don't think i deserve it.. Cause i can't speak proper english.. Maybe i can but not now.. And do you feel some good news out of me??

Today, my mood swing isn't that bad already.. This morning i make an effort to set my alarm clock to ring at 10am.. And i wake up.. I thought there's some improvement in me.. Cause i didn't roll on my bed and refuse to get out of the room.. But there's a kind soul out there who call me a lazybum!

Kind soul out there!! Today is the last few days of school holiday le.. Please let me get my sleep!! If not term 3 will be your turn to wake me up in class and not me waking you up all the time..

Kay.. nevermind.. This morning i wake up so early(to me only) cause my WARDER wanted me to get an immunisation.. She's telling me that it don't hurt.. But afterall, it still hurt abit.. And i've got a new discovery! I'm alergic to plaster! And the doctor make a funny looking plaster which make that small hole on my hand look like its a large wound.. :)

But nevermind.. As long as it don't make my hand feel itchy.. After that, went to admiralty to cut hair.. That hair dresser that cut my hair i think is 菜鸟 de lo.. Cut until my hair so ugly.. But nevermind.. I tell my Pooh Pooh that i still look good with all kind of hair style.. (I think Miss Tang will be proud of me if she hear this from me.) :)

Then,... .... Go causeway point. Cause munny say she wan go courts see deep fried cooker.. And i'm like one gong kia like that follow her in causeway point.. And when shopping shopping halfway, Miss Tang call my phone.. And this is the conversation.. :)

Mstang: hello?

Me: hello...

Mstang: Is this Yokeleng?

Me: Ya.. (trying to recognise the voice)

Mstang: This is miss tang..

Me: Orh.. What is it about?

Mstang: Did you travel to overseas during the holiday?

Me: Nope! I don't even have a passport..

Mstang: Kay. Good! So you finish your homework already?

Me: Ya.. Long long time ago i finish already.. (thinking that she will give me more homework)

Mstang: So you are enjoying your holiday lah!

Me: Of course!

Mstang: Did you not feeling well for the pass few days?

Me: Nope! I just got my immunisation!

Mstang: So it must be very shoik la?

Me: Your head la.. Its painful!

Mstang: But its good for you.. And oh ya, do you have internet access at home?

Me: Yes. Is these questions you want to ask me??

Mstang: No la.. Cause school reopen's first week you all are not going into lesson proper ma.. so no need bring books..

Me: Oh really??? Even Biology book also no need?? :)

Mstang: Er no! Need bring your thermometer, storybook, reportbook, biology book n ur travel declaration form..

Me: I thought i hand in to you liao ma??

Mstang: Not that one.. Now got new de form..

Me: But you never give me leh..

Mstang: Got.. It is sent through post.. Go open your letter box today or tomorrow.. Should have de..

Me: Kay.. Informed.. :) By the way, you remember during the holiday extra remedial class, you asked us to buy the biology exercise book? What is the publisher and edition?

Mstang: Its longman.. Latest edition lah! Its white in colour..

Me: Most of the biology exercise book in popular is longman, latest edition and all is in white!!!

Mstang: Erm.. Where are you now?

Me: Causeway point..

Mstang: Go to popular and sms me all the book's publisher, edition and title..

Me: Okay.. Bye..

Mstang: Bye..

After the conversation, went to popular, did all the things she asked me to do, then go eat teabreak!! :) Nobody can blame me.. I'm easily comtempted by little things.. And it makes up the hapy outer me! :)

After that, go cold storage. Saw many colourful catus and plants there.. Then ask mummy if i can get one and put on my study table..(althought i know that she would say No.. But i believe in miracle.. (: ).. ... And she say okay... Surprisingly, she choose the cacti for me.. Normally she will say okay okay then she will look look see see her own things de.. :)

And i'm like one silly girl smiling to myself and the cacti for the whole day when that cacti look so small to her.. And before i on the computer, she say that i siao siao already.. Since cold storage then smile to the cacti until now.. :)

But no choice, i'm very happy today.. Cause at least if i'm alone at home, i've got one more things to talk to other that my Pooh bear which is non'living thing.. At least the samll cacti is living things.. :P

Mummy say no need water everyday de if not it will die.. :) And that's suits me.. Cause like what Mdm Jas say.. I'm a blur queen! And one of the teacher out there say that she is going to knock my head if she see me when scool reopen cause i made her so worried before mid-year and end up my result... ... :P sorry.. But please be more gentle.. :)

Anyway, i think i have to go talk to my small cacti le.. Will post again before school holiday ends.. :) Bye!

4:08 PM


Winnie,
before eu noe wad, holidays r goin 2 b over.. n u r goin 2 miss me once again n life of torture is goin 2 bein once again.. cos i'm goin bac e life of: sleep, eat, go toilet, do hse chores, study n go 2 school... ...

i really really miss e time in e past when i dun hav 2 trouble abt sch work, financial prob or even my grades.. life in e past is simple.. relaxin..

as i grow up, i c lots of tings.. i get 2 noe e truth of many tings.. i learnt tt i cnt b in control of much tings as they r sometimes jus beyond our limits..

i'm proud of myself in certain ways.. but in some ways, i jus dun wish tt e other side of me 2 b reveal.. i came 2 realise tt showin n bein a cheerful gal isn't someting easy if i'm not 1..

tings jus happen sometimes n i wish tt some1 cn b out dare 2 help me.. but e distance i keep frm them jus stopped me.. i wanted lots of tinds like all my fren did..

like all teenage gal.. i wanted lots of tings.. many ppl asked.. y i cn tolerate tis kind of life? y i cn live without tis? without tt? n u all jus c me as some1 hu cum frm africa..

I'M NOT! money jus cum 2 u all too easy.. u all dun noe e importance of it.. if i choose 2 b like normal ppl.. ppl around me like my love ones.. they r e ones hu is goin 2 suffer.. y not me, oni 1 ppl jus suffer..


some of e tings r jus shen wai wu.. i cn really live without them.. so.. PLEASE!!! stop askin me y i dun hav tis y i dun have tt.. i noe u all r jus curious.. but, IT HURTS FOR ME!!

k.. i tink complain shd stop here.. i'm sry if i offended any1.. but really sorry..













pass few days, i cooked my own dinner n gor gor's dinner.. althou he say tt its nice, i noe its not.. by e look at it u will noe y..
baked bean plus rice... ... ...


4:01 PM


Winnie,
I thought tt tis story is so touchin.. so i copied it from my junior Kelvin's blog...

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone,

except her loving boyfriend.

He was always there for her.

She told her boyfriend,

'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her.

When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything,

including her boyfriend.

He asked her,

'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind.

The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her.

She hadn't expected that.

The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying:

'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.

Only a very few remember what life was like before,

and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who died too early on this earth.

Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren...

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who! wish they had your job..

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.

1:28 PM


Winnie,
help me!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm missing OBS so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 e extend of dreamin of it everyday.. cnt believe rt??? i also
Ground row- Llewell Siow- instructor- poor ting!!!
1st row- patricia, ME!!!!!!!!!!, salina, xinying, peiying, jiamin, yashi
2nd row- radiah (i dunno how 2 spell her name), farahni, jingyi, valerie, xiaoqian, beefong, xinyi

tis is already e 2nd time i posted tis foto.. e 1st time blogger got prob.. n i now cnt rmb anyting i blog e las time.. but wad i cn say is i miss OBS lots lots lots lots tt u cnt imagine..

n now.. i've got a bid prob.. a really big big big big one.. I'M GOING TO BORED TO DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!! i regreted being a good girl.. finish my homework so early.. now.. VERY BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!

my SOS call went out early in e morning.. i cnt go 2 slp las time.. KK bed isn't nice as u all tink.. i hate cough.. everytime make me pant like a dog lidat... i really cnt imagine my life when i'm old.. but thx yee leong gorgor.. he entertain me las nite when he was in bangkok.. thx le..

somehow, i sort of su ku 2 him.. at least i feel better now?? mayb in tink.. but i cnt tell much out here.. cos my blog isn't a private blog anymore.. cos i hav a pretty lazy wife hu said tt loggin in 2 read blog is v.troublesome.. so she asked me 2 unprivate it.. but nvm..

anyone cn call me n chat wif me?? as long as u keep me entertain!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm goin 2 ROT!!!!!!

9:38 PM


Winnie,
i c some foto in my file.. share wif eu some.. but some r jus my zi lian foto.. :)



2:35 PM


Winnie,
ha.. here r some outdated fotos of e past.. n some r even frm las yr.. but anyway.. enjoy those fotos when they r still up.. :)
i'm v.convince tt every1 saw merlion vomitin water out of its mouth rt?? but any1 saw b4 human bein like my hu cn tak in water in tis way... ...


2:16 PM


Winnie,

it seems like a long time i'm lost in e world n u nv nv heard of my movement in e world.. :) but nvm.. cos u noe wad? I MAKE IT THRU THE OBS-MY CHALLENGE CAMP!!! surprising rt? ppl like me cn mak it thru e camp..

n over here, i'm nt goin 2 say much abt OBS.. cos i really really miss e times at OBS n my instructor Llewell.. no matter how i spell his name.. even opposite way of spelling, it will still b e same.. dun ask me y. ask his mom hu call him tt.

n main content of e bloggon tdy.. i really really did v.well tis time round.. my eng-C6, chi-B4, a-maths-A1, e-maths-A1, bio-A2, combine sci-A1 n lastly, combine humanities-C5... ... mayb 2 mummy, tis may nt b consider as gd.. bt she will nv nv noe e happiness i'm havin deep inside me when i got my result..

wad i'm more worried now is nt weather mummy happy nt.. n its how m i goin 2 maintain my result. in order 4 me 2 score lidat is already a threaten 4 me.. but if i'm goin 2 maintain it, its nt goin 2 b a kiddin stuff..

seriously, n 2 b honest, i cried every nite aft i get my report bk.. i dunno y mummy is always unhappy wif me.. she wan me do well? i've tried my best.. but wad she wan? i'm oni 15yrs old... how much cn i tak?

mayb i din put in my 100% effort? i dunno.. but i really really did my best!!! if she get a chance 2 read tis, she wun still tink i bad..






11:30 AM


Winnie,

its seem a long long long long long time tt i posted.. as u noe, i'm goin cyco v.v.v.v.v.v.v.v.soon.. so soon until u cnt imagine.. i'm goin OBS tmr!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cnt imadine my life there.. my exam jus finish n i dun even wan 2 tok abt it.. n e worst ting is tt b4 every paper i'm so damm nervous tt i cried.. nn tt secret supportter b'hind me tt i dun mish 2 say his name hav actually helped me alot..

althought i'm still v.scared n worried, he at least quieten down my fear n mak me believe tt some1 out there still hav e trust in me.. n tt's is enough.. unlike mummy, she always say tt i'm nt doin well enough.. i tink she is makin me feel tt i always wun do well n i'm a failer.. n I'M NOT!!!

i've learn tt neither success nor failure is ever final.. i cn b e top scorler now.. but no use i dun do well in my 'o' level.. its sometimes true.. but i jus dun dare 2 tell him tt i cnt afford nt 2 do well.. i nid tt amt of $$ to continue 2 study.. w/o tt bursaryu or award, i cnt support my own studies..

how i wish now tt i cn at least go out n earn some $$.. at least i dun feel tt guilty.. n i'm now spendin $$ tt mummy n gorgor is earnin n i cnt do anyting abt it.. i've tried nt 2 eat durin recess.. at least it cn save me some $$ n i dun hav 2 ask 4 pocket $$ so often..

i will promise or mayb swear tt i mus do well in my studies.. when i grow up, i dun wan my child 2 live e life i'm livin now.. n 2 e others.. stop gossipin abt my family probs!!!

yes, i'm always cheerful n happy infront of eu all n doesn't seem 2 b affected by anyting.. n i overheard some of ur conversation.. yes i dun hav alot of tings like all of eu hav!!! but i dun tink tts any wrong!!! i hav wad i nid!!! yes, i nid my dad 2 hav a complete family..

but i cnt choose! tis is my fate!! i cnt change it!!! eu all laugh at me cos i'm always stayed at home n do hse chores; do homework.. but i'm proud of myself.. yes, i sad tt when i wanted 2 go out wif my frens n my mom's ans is always a NO!!! but i cnt do anything abt it..

i'm sry 2 say tt many of eu tt cum 2 my hse b4 hav 2 abid many rules.. like washing ur legs; removing ur socks; no entering 2 e bedrm; no vulgarities...etc... but even i'm e owner hav 2 abid.. i feel bad when i hav 2 tell eu all abt all e rules.. but i cnt choose!!!

no matter how hard i work 4 GZ, they jus cnt c it.. i mak e effort 2 teach them.. in e end, all e credits goes 2 e other seniors n yinhong lao shi.. i teach e sec 2s is nt tt i wanted e credits.. its cos i wan eu all gd.. but at least gif me some credits..

do eu noe tt i feel happy when yinhong praise eu all when u all played well?? but when she asked hu teaches eu all, its always nt me! i cn spent my time at home doin hse chores; doin homework; restin n play PSP.. i jus dun understand y i spent e time on u all!!!

i everytime tell myself tt since i dun get all e appreciation n respect tt i shd get, then i shd stop teachin.. but i jus cldn't stop myself frm teachin when eu all asked me..

yes, in compared 2 all e seniors like yiyun; derrick; miaoshan; suaneng; celia n xiner, i admit tt i dun play as well as them.. but i feel tt i'm better n stronger than them in certain ways.. if they cn teach eu all n ask u all 2 shut up when they nid 2 dgif imp announcement, y can't i???

is like hello!!! i'm ur seniors also leh.. when mrslim; mdmyou n misssun ask me make some imp announcement, do eu noe how hard is it 2 get all of ur attention?? i noe i'm a soft speaker.. but do eu noe when u din get my info n u did e wrong ting, i'm e 1 hu is goin 2 get scolded???

wad mak me so stupid?? since sec1, i'm bein bullied by my classmate.. until now?? 3rd yr in tis sch alr n nth seems 2 b improvin!!! wad did i did????????????????

6:49 PM


Winnie,
i'm so damm bored n irritate tis few days.. k.. i'll start tokin 2 eu frm wed.. its april fool obviously n i was so damm unlucky on tt day.. bt i'm an optimist.. so mus tink positive even if there's tings happenin.. haha.. :)

erm.. in e mornin, do usual stuff.. then abt 10.30am like that, i go toilet.. then saw 1 funny funny creature.. then call celia cum c.. while waitin, i sit at e banch there.. dunno when, jus out of e sudden, e water pipe burst n i'm bath by it..!!!

u noe wad's my 1st reaction? i stand there n tink wad's happenin!!!! u wun find a person as stupid as me de.. get wet alr stil stand there n tink.. :) then in e end, celia brin towel a me.. lucky tt nite got rehersal so she got extra clothes n towel..

aft changin, then go homec rm iron uniform.. again, e homec rm's iron is rusty n my uniform's sleeve turn brown!! bt cn wash away la.. in e end, go find mrs lim 4 help.. then mrs lim left my uniform in e staff rm 2 dry.. bt too wet le so cnt dry..

k shall end my bathin story here.. aft tt, at nite de rehersal, quite fun la.. cos while we r waitin 4 mrslim 2 buy dinner bac, we played some ice-breaker game.. now i noe my juniors better.. :)

but someting bad happen 2 me again durin e rehersal.. i also dun really noe how it happen.. i jus sit down there n play e GZ then i jus feel e pain at my lungs i tink.. shouldn't b my heart de.. or mayb its my brunchus tt hurt.. i asked 4 my inhaler frm mrslim..

bt aft sometime le still dun work n e pain get worsen.. then celia help me shouted 4 mrslim n then mrslim ask me rest at e tai xia there n she dunno go where.. n i jus like 1 goondo sit down there n cry.. alsop cnt blame me 4 cryin.. cos i really really v.pain..

then then then.. until i cnt tak e pain le then i turn bac n tell mrslim i v.pain then DBY brought me out of e air-con rm n i eventually feel better.. super SIAN lor! wasted 1 hr there but din do any meaingful ting accept 4 gaspin 4 air n keep myself oxydenated... =.=

then.. i tink i'm usin too much then alr.. XD k.. now, i tink i shd end my wed april fool sway day story.. if nt me entry will look damm long.. cos i still wan say abt thurs n fri..

on thurs, is super slack de lor!! but end e day v.tired.. in e mornin when reach sch, e GZ rm is v.empty.. so i suggested 4 a spring cleanin althought its not spring.. then all agreed wif me.. n u now wad? cos we all scared tt later DBY will scold cos she dun wan a spring cleanin so we plan tt if DBY ask hu's idea is it, then we say dunno or we push e blame 2 each other.. :)

creative rt? ha.. i bet u'll say ya if r able 2.. :)

then did lots n lots of tings 2 e GZ rm.. n i was so proud of myself.. cos e curtain is somehow repaired by me!!! then all those decoratin tape is all put up by me, derrick n my darlin mrslim hu hav help me alot in many ways..

oh ya.. let me tell u abt fri then i tell u all those muschy muschy tings abt my darlin mrs lim.. :) n i'm goin 2 mak sure tt she read tt entry abt her n mak her cry.. :) wahahaha!!

mayb nt today, cos i tink i hav 2 off com soon.. so i'll leave all those myschy muschy things till i'm bored wich is dunno when le.. cos slackin life gonna end tmr..

k.. on fri wich is ytd, hav GZ.. damm sian.. watch video again.. i'm somehow so scared of goin 4 GZ.. every sec in there is tokin abt SYF's stuff.. makin me sick n tired of it.. i'm somehow goin cyco in e present without ani 1 noe-in..

poor lecia, she felt sick again ytd.. lucky me n celia washed e mat on thurs so tt any sick ppl cn rest on it.. :) credits us.. :) n i missed e sec 3s.. off frm me 4 five days..

then aft tt, i somehow helped lecia 2 get better.. :) now i noe at least my present helped in e absent of e st john members.. i'm so proud of first-aid knowledge.. :)

actually.. i'm v.v.v.v.v.v.pissed off n angry wif celia n derrick tis few days.. but i tink tt i shd 4gif them.. so nt bloggin abt it.. i wan tt memory 2 b deleted.. but hope tt they dun tak my forgiveness forgranted again..

i tink i'm v.loso tdy wif all e happenings.. dun want tok abt my bottled up tings yet.. i jus dun feel like toki it out.. sry.. i tink ihav 2 go now.. bb

6:59 PM


Winnie,
i tink i shd b glad tt i cn still blog 2 eu now.. ytd i go shao mu then nearly knocked down by a motorcycle.. makin me now dun dare 2 cross e road even if there is a traffic light.. its so damm scary sia..

n 4 tt sec tt i thought i'm goin 2 die, i saw papa.. i wan 2 tell papa tis, (my time is nt up yet, dun brin me over 2 ur side.. i'm still learnin 2 b a strong gal.. i dun wan 2 die so early.. i mayb down sometime n feel like goin wif eu.. bt i'm still nt ready yet!)

e image if papa is so clear.. its like he's really standin front of me.. mayb its e power of him tt prevent e motor frm knockin me down.. i shd b bless... ... :)

n ytd aft shao mu actually wan go cwp n then go adm wif munny de.. but mama nv brin hse key.. then mus go home tak her hse key 2 open her door 4 her... sigh!!! nxt time mus scold shushu alr.. nv tak gd care of mama..

k.. abt tdy, its quite a borin day la.. in e morn hav assembly wif 3e1 ppl.. then go commerce rm.. abit bo song.. everybody is goin wif their fren n leavin me out.. makin me sit alone.. i ytd alr asked celia n derrick 2 cum early.. in e end, i'm e oni GZ member there..

they cn wake up early n meet at mac donald but cnt wake up early n meet me in sch.. then in sch wan me pei them here pei them there then cn.. wad attitude r they showin me?? i'm nt thier dog!! nid me tt time then call me over.. dun nid me tt time then throw me away.. like i'm thier spare fren lidat..

i'm v.fedup alr lo.. like i'm born 2 let ppl bully.. let ppl treat like spare fren lidat.. wif 1 word sry then i mus 4gif them.. yes, i cn b 4gif-ful.. but every1 is jus takin it 4granted.. i treat ppl gd, i 4gif ppl jus in a sec, i do wadeva i cn 4 them is jus FOC!!! at least in return i shd get a thank-u or wad.. bt nt even a thank-u but a ignore!!!

i'm innocent n introvert.. so wad? tt's me.. its e innocent n introvert tt mak me up.. i cnt choose wad i wan 2 b b4 i'm born.. i cnt choose tt i wan a healthy boby?? y is some of them sayin tt i'm yao4 guan4 zi3??? i wan !@#$%^&g*()!@#$%^&*(!*!!!!!!!!!!!

dun care so much liao la.. i'll b myself now.. i'll nt interact wif them unless they interact wif me.. i'll oni b treatin them well unless they r doin e same ting as me.. i'll mak hatred b part of me frm now on..

k.. now, let's tok abt sth happy but turn out nt tt gd.. tdy, saw msgan at e corrider.. actually wan tap her n say hi.. but in e end kanna scold by her.. cos she say tt its v.rude 2 her.. sry msgan.. i oni thought of sayin hi n playin wif eu.. nt tryin 2 offend eu..

i find it funny now.. i'm apologizin in a blog tt e person i'm apologixin 2 cnt read.. :) weird rt?? but nvm.. at least i dun feel tt duilty now.. :) i wonder how will mstang react if she sees all tis.. is she goin 2 kill me?? k nvm.. dun care so much.. i now wan go eat my dinner liao..

n ya, winnie, i wun b bloggin on 1st april onward until my gorgor install some anti-virus software.. cos he say will hav virus.. so.. u mus b prepare 2 miss me.. :)

4:03 PM


Winnie,
hi hi hi!!! u c me bloggin so damm often nowadays.. ya i'm somehow addict 2 com alr.. i'm so afraid tt it will affect my result.. no choice.. i've 2 control myself.. especially 4 nxt week.. e rest of my fren r goin 4 e OBS.. n i'll b slackin again..

oh ya.. las few days i spoke 2 eu abt tt fren of mine.. i'm now still worried abt him.. bt his's now under counsellin.. so i tink he will b ok.. but if its me.. i wun.. ask me go 4 counsellin = wan my life lidat..

dunno y.. i'm somehow so afraid 2 go 4 counselllin.. she's so damm scary.. n she mak me start cryin.. i cn still rmb e 1st time i go 4 counsellin in sec 1.. i started cryin when she ask me qn tt i dunno how 2 ans.. :)

end up she got no choice bt call mschoo in.. opps!! sry.. i din mean 2 hurt her in way.. bt she's jus tt scary.. then 4 e nxt few counssellin session, mschoo is 半哄半骗 then get me there de.. i also dunno how she get me in n sit thru tt session.. :)

k.. nt tok abt tt.. i'm abit stress now.. dunno y.. SYF is goin round my brain n i cn do nth abt it.. i tink i'll go cyco b4 e SYF n they'll hav no choice bt 2 kick me out.. hais!!! dunno la.. n i jus done wif my e-maths test ytd.. still ok.. bt 1st qn then wrong le.. but no choice, no time 2 change..

ytd hav GZ lesson again.. abit sian.. cos gorgor cum again.. its nt tt i dun lyk him 2 cum.. bt he everytime cum then will scold e rest n i'm so afraid tt they will tak on e revenge on me.. n ytd i'm so fedup wif yinhong cher n celia.. they r sayin tt i nv practice..

wad is consider as practicin 2 them.. i practice in sch, i practice at home.. i almos everyday slp at 1plus lidat.. do they noe tt? NO! they jus jolly well c how play n say tt i din practice..

n u noe how i vent my anger ytd?? i vent it on e GZ. i played so loud tt 5 strings broke.. surprise rt?? i c almos every lesson many people is breakin their string bt i dunno y.. mayb they r also like me, ventin their anger on e GZ..

clever rt?? cos string break then tak new string fren cher.. n it prove 2 yinhong cher tt we really got 使劲 de play.. :) bt at e end of e lesson, got 3 big blister n 2 small blister inside e 3 big burst blister.. sian.. v.pain.. i regreted..

actually, i hav many many qn.. tt i myself also cnt ans.. bt i'm nt goin 2 say it here.. cos tis blog is nt totally private.. i still hav 11 reader..

sometime i'm tinkin.. papa die so long le y i still cnt overcum e fear.. wad m i fear of?? leavin him? i sometimes tell myself tt i mus b happy cos he's dead.. cos i noe tt he dun suffer anymore.. bt i'm abit 自相矛盾 if he's dead, yes its true tt he dun suffer.. bt i'm e 1 sufferin now.. cos i misses him lots..

n dunno y i'm gettin more n more emo.. i jus cnt help myself hidin frm other.. i keep on tinkin tt they'll look down on me cos i dun hav a complete family.. i dunno if they really tink tis way.. but i feel it.. i'm also gettin more n more inhibited at e same time..

i jus dunno how 2 help myself... ...

10:22 PM


Winnie,
i'm so damm regretful atf tellin ms tang abt me n my fren.. she's sendin him 2 e general office tmr.. wad shd i do?? i tink i'm e 1 hu started all e trouble.. i tink i'm givin him e wrong signal too.

i'm sooooo dammm regret n i tink tt frm now on, i shouldn't go sooo close 2 guys like i used 2.. is either they tink tt i'm in luv wif them n say tt i'm flirtin wif them n they start spreadin rumors abt me.. other than tis, they will tink tt i luv them them n they start 2 b despo..

i tink tt its cos they got no stead n they feel.... ..... i dunno.. but i want 2 mak it clear tt if i go close 2 my opposite gender, it doesn't mean tt i luv them or hav any motive..!!!!

n wad shd i do???

6:33 PM


Winnie,
heys u noe wad? some1 is hackin ur beautiful name n is taggin at my blog leh.. bt i dun care.. i find tt person abit... ... i cnt tink of a word 2 describe him so far.. mus understand tt my eng standard till where oni.. :)

tdy i spoke 2 mstang abt 2 of my gd fren n 1 of them wanted 2 commit suicide.. i tink i shd said he commited suicide alr.. i feel e pain 4 him although tt's nt my skin.. i noe i can't fall 4 him cos if mummy noe abt it she will kill me.. but nvm.. i shd be zhong1 xin1 2 my darlin.. i wan show him tt i'm nt tt hua xin like him.. :)

n aft tt tok abt my frens wif mstang, she start askin me abt my tings again.. i was so damm scared at tt time.. cos i was afraid tt if i told her sth, she will call mummy n tell her.. n there will goes my lecture wif her again n i'll hav e whole nite listenin 2 her "singin".. n it will las till at least 12plus..

but!!! tdy was still ok.. i told ms tang abt how gorgor n mummy treated me.. actually i feel like cryin at tt time de.. but dun dare 2.. so i look here look there.. heng she's nt ms choo.. if nt she will say LOOK INTO MY EYES!!! haha.. opps!

actually i mus b truthful la.. n i'm askin myself y i dun dare 2 open up 2 ms tang.. n truly out of my heart e true ans was b'cos i scared tt she will tell mummy abt it.. sigh!! i feel so guilty sia.. if i were ms tang i'll feel so damm shi1 bai4 leh.. cos my student dun wan share wif me her stuff..

but dun care now.. its e past le.. wad i cn do now is 2 at least nt mek her feel so sad n i tink i mus try 2 open up 2 her..

erm.. wad shd i say now.. i'm so damm fan2 now.. tt fren of mine is askin me if i like him not.. wad shd i say??? sobsob.... wad shd i do??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3:16 PM


Winnie,
yoz.. now i dun hav 2 apologize 2 u anymore.. :) cos now its hol.. n its e day tt i'm waitin 4 since wk 3..:) i noe i may sound lazy bt no choice.. how many teenage cn u find nt lookin 4ward for hol??

sth happened.. my hse got blackout again.. i'm soooo damm scaed of blackout.. n i started cryin.. 4 e minutes or so i feel like cryin again.. i jus can't help myself stop cryin.. i wanted 2 overcum lots of tings.. bt my timidness jus hold me back..

then on fri.. durin GZ.. i wasn't feelin tt well.. bt yinhong cher jus dun understand.. i made e effort 2 practice n cum 4 e practice.. bt no 1 c it!!! i wan 2 score well in exams n i've try my best.. bt no 1 c it.. i'm super damm sick n tired of myself bein neglect..

i went 2 c doc few days ago.. e doc say i cnt go OBS.. if cos i feel sad.. bt hu m i 2 hav feelings.. i'm sick n tired of goin 2 sch.. oni ting 2 do in sch is 2 study n study n study.. then other than tt? go CCA.. n nth else.. i rather stay at home c-in tt old freak naggin at me than 2 walk out of tt hse n got myself in2 trouble..

i really hav enough of junhao's bullyin.. lyk hello!!! i'm also human.. cn i hav some human rts?? makin fun n spreadin rumors n fine 2 me bt cn there b some limits?? throwin tings at me in class!! i dunno wad they wan frm me.. askin me 2 end my life earlier?? wad did i do 2 them?? many of times my frens r tokin 2 me n i jus kept quiet out of e sudden.. nt cos i got nth 2 say.. its cos i hav too much tings 2 say n those may hurt then n therefore i choose nt 2 say..

blog is e oni way tt i cn vent my anger.. n offend any1 tt i wan 2 cos its private.. cn any1 understand e pain i m in?? i wan 2 do e sch proud n i therefore i practice n practice day in n day out.. bt i'm v.tired of it.. i dun tink i cn perservier till 21st april.. i'm havin dreams abt SYF n gettin of 'O"level results.. n i dun wan 2 dream of those anymore.. it makes me even more tired when i wake up like tdy..

winnie.. i noe u r there... bt u jus cnt reply me.. i noe lots n lots of ting.. i wan luv.. nt frm frens..!! bt frm my family members.. n i realise tt i cnt get those luv frm my frens n any1 else! cn any1 tell me tt they they cn live his/her life unluv n unwanted??

wad does sch chers noe?? they oni noe how 2 call our parents when tings happen.. when we din did well.. when we get in2 trouble.. n? wad else they noe how 2 do? punish us? i noe all those tings tt they did its cos they care.. bt i dun lyk it.. it makes me feel lyk i'm a sick person.. i person tt is sick mentally.

If 1 day i hav a chance 2 c god n hav my 3wishes granted, my 3wishes is

1. To have back papa.. a healthy one..
2. To have mummy's attention
3. frens 2 stop all the bullyings

nth much i wan n all e tings i wanted cost nt even a cent!

1:04 PM


Winnie,
i tink i will nt start my entry by sayin sry 2 neglect eu again.. but i really find it difficult 2 visit eu.. tdy i hav a chance 2 blog its cos i on com 4 e eng public speakin project..

many tings happen durin e period tt i'm nt bloggin.. erm.. where shd start tellin eu 1st?? my las post is on 8th feb..

k.. on 9th feb, i noe a new fren through sms.. bt no worries... i noe her in actual world n i find her v.nice.. she's a gd listenin ear 2 me bt sometimes i really pity her lots.. same as me, she lost her dad.. bt its 4 yrs ago when she was 17? i tink..

i find her more understandin in compare to mt frens.. i'm nt tryin 2 say tt my frens r nt understandin..bt wheneva i tell them how i miss my daddy, their ans was i understand i understand.. bt do they really understand??

i noe i cnt blame them 4 they all hav complete family n they r also too young 2 understand.. sigh!! nvm let's continue abt my life story.. :)

how abt me tellin u my result?? nt v.well done bt still guo4 de4 qu4 la.. eng fail.. E8.. 44/100 i always fail lyk i nv fail b4.. sian.. bt overall pass C6... 53.6/100 then my e-maths also fail.. D7.. 45/100 then A-maths i got an A1-92.5/100... my combine sci KNS lo!! A1-78/100.. kanna pulled by my phy.. chem scored so well-95/100.. bt kanna bulled by phy 2 low A1.. then my bio got A2-74/100.. so heart broken.. 1 more mark then cn get A1.. then chi no nid say de la.. also KNS.. C5-56/100... bt overall better, B3 68/100 and las bt nt least.. my combine humaneties.. A2-71.3.. also kanna pulled by SS.. geo's A1 nt high enough.. so SS got high B3 also end up in combine A2.. sian.. Sigh!!!!

in total, my L1B5-15!!!!!!!!! OMG.. wif tis kind of result is nt goin 2 mak me anywhere.. sigh!!! dunno wad 2 do.. tmr still hav another chem test n tue hav geo test.. n now.. i'm brought over many tings..

1st-ting, ah ma hav stroke n is now paralysed.. 1 of my classmate down wif some prob n i'm sooooo damm worried tt she might commit suicide t i cnt even pay attention in class n keep tinkin of her safety..

n worst still, lackin of slp n ms tang called mummy up n sort of complain.. then when mummy put down e fone.. my lecture start.. :( shd i thx mstang?? i noe she cares n tt's y she asked.. bt i tink there's somemore gd ways than callin my mummy..

k.. i tink i gonna end here.. if nt i'm goin 2 offend mani more ppl again.. n pls tag when pass-by my blog.. it seems abandon.. i noe its private n e reason is cos, 1st-ly, i dun wan other ppl 2 c some v.private tings. n 2nd-ly, prevent spammin.. k.. i gonnago now.. if nt no time 2 study 4 tmr's test..

3:16 PM


Winnie,
sry 4 e neglect.. i finally hav e time 2 blog.. dunno wad's goin on in my life.. i jus go 2 sch everyday.. then go cca. then go home.. then do homework.. by e time i finish.. its lyk 12plus 2 1am already.. i din even tink of wad i've learn 4 e day..

i've feel e heat of sec 3 now.. 4 all e tings i do in class is lyk 1 after another.. hardly get a break lyk sec 2.. i really miss e sec 2 life.. n now.. i even 4gotten how i shd express myself in blog.. OMG!! wad's goin on in me???

test after test.. mak me feel lyk breakin down at anytime.. wad else cn i do other than h/w??? weekend do homework.. weekdays do h/w.. i'm almos 4gettin e feelin of watchin tv.. i use 2 watch tv more than studyin.. bt now.. suddenly.. no tym 2 watch tv at all!!! wad's is life 2 me now???

brought up by homeworks.. frens treatin me lyk i'm nt human lyk tt.. lyk i dun understand wad they mean.. i may b sensitive.. bt i'm sry 4 tt! tt's me! wad cn i do?

hello!! cn any1 pls gif me sense tt i belong somewhere??? 3e1 is lyk a total diff 2 my sec 2 classes.. they dun mak me feel lyk i belong there.. i dun feel lyk i belong 2 them..

then in guzheng.. cher ask me teach.. ok! i'm fine.. i'm happy abt it.. cos it shows tt i'm gd.. so i hav e potential 2 teach.. bt how r e juniors treatin me??? they dun play well nt my fault!!! i've play my part in teachin.. bt they dun practice at home!! wad cn i do??

scold them?? then i'll b e 1 receivin a scoldin frm cher in sch.. dun scold them?? then i'll will b receivin a scold frm yinhong cher.. i wasn't pay 2 do tings.. i cn help them.. bt they themselves mus play their parts too..

i admit all those tings i do is b'cos i wan 2 show my mom tt i'm better than my bro.. bt.. i'm really tired of doin tt..oh pls!! cn any1 tell me when will all tis torture end???

2:45 PM


Winnie,
neglected eu fer 12 days le.. sry fer tt.. i tink tdy u gonna hear me shu ku again.. k.. let me tell u wad i did on e 23th dec.. i went 2 escape wif my GZ frens.. it is a day 2 enjoy.. i really luv e time when i'm wif my frens..

i luv 2 go out wif them.. cos they nv nv leave me alone in my own world.. nt lyk now.. k.. abt e outin.. when i got e fotos frm jiamin n joleen le then i update u more..

now.. i dunno how 2 express myself.. i feel tt my frens noe me more than my family did.. mummy always complain tt her body hurts.. my heart hurts too when she told me tt.. i dun wan her 2 leave me..

i told mrs lim abt it.. she said tt at least now i cn appreciate her more.. bt how?? e attitude tt she gave me.. ... i duno how 2 appreciate her.. i wan 2 bt i dunno how 2..

ppl around me always ask me 2 help them do tings.. if i could help them i will... i always say ok 2 them.. cos i believe tt if 1 day i'll nid their help n they will kan zai i once helped them de account help me bac..

bt reality wasn't tt simple like i tink.. i tink tt i'm jus far too naive.. i really dunno wad 2 say.. no words cn illustrate how i feel now..

its true.. every child is as pure as a white paper when they r born.. no child is a bad child.. they grown up 2 b bad is nt cos of anyting..

all my frens they always say tt i'm so guai1.. guai1 so wad.. it doesn't matter 2 me how they c me.. i work so hard 4 wad?? its b'cos i wanted a praise frm my family members.. bt they din.. as long as i din did better than my bro, i'm nth 2 them..

i've said many many times in my written diary.. i'm lyk wet sand when i'm young.. when i'm still a kid.. bt when i grow up.. i will dry.. they mus noe when 2 let go.. slowly.. bit by bit.. they open up their hand.. i won't sliped off.. bt no 1 cares..

i dun wan anyting frm them.. wad i wan is their attention.. wich cos nth 2 them.. they always said tt i'm greedy.. i wanted lots of tings.. no! pls! save ur $$.. i dun wan..

wad's so gd abt gorgor.. other than his academic performance.. wich part of him is so gd until i cost nth.. he is e oni guy in e family??? then??

i do all e hse choices frm mon 2 fri.. sat n sun when gorgor cum bac he help out some.. bt if he dun wan do.. i'm still e 1 doin it.. bt if he dun wan do.. nth happen.. wad happen if i dun wan do?? a scoldin?? a cannin?? wad m i?

NS child is king izit?? no nid do ting izit?? cn ani how scold parent n sibling izit??

i really really hav enough of mummy n gorgor.. treat me lyk maid i tiam tiam.. then nt happy then cn scold me izit?? wad m i?? ventin machine.. 4 every1 2 vent their anger??? NO!!!

if 1 day i cn tak care of myself n earn my own $$$.. i'll leave e hse immediately!!!!!!!!!

2:59 PM


Winnie..
Tis is where i went on the 7th dec.. ... ah chuan gor gor got married.. :) quite fun althought i got sick e nxt day.. :) haha.. u noe wad is it on my mind now?? i'm tinkin hu will b e nxt 1 tt will get married.. yantong gorgor?? ah gui gorgor?? haha.. or my v.own gor gor?? i cnt wait 2 attend another weddin.. :) Ah ho yi zhang is helpin biao shao 2 wear a bracelet.. how i wish i cn hav 1.. its sooooo nice lor!!!


2:30 PM


Winnie..
sry 2 neglect eu 4 soooo mani days... now i'm goin 2 show eu some pic tt r taken on gor gor b'dae.. :)tis is e time when gor was payin 4 e meal.. :):):)


6:45 PM


Winnie,
tdy las day of GZ hol practice..still hav 2 more time de self practice then no more le.. :)

tis mon go help mrs lim move GZ out of GZ rm.. cos nid paint.. :) n e colour is discustin de lo!!! purple n pink..:( OMG...

then tues n wed cn count as sun li de.. cos nt much scoldin frm yinhong cher.. then tdy.. nt tt much of scoldin.. bt yinhong cher added alot of ting into e score sheet.. then i was lyk 1 goondo sittin down there dun understand aniting.. :(

4 wed n tdy de lesson.. GW came.. it shd b a gd news.. bt i dun lyk it as everybody is there keep disiao-ong me.. they tink tt its v.funny n they keep sayin those past tings.. bt they din noe how much i was hurt bt them..

especially celia.. when i.. she rather believe others than her best fren.. m i her best fren..?? n when they say those hurtful words.. i jus smile lyk as if i dun mind.. unless they r stupid.. or mayb my actin was too successful.. they din even noe tt my smile was FAKE!!!

i really really dunno wad 2 tell her.. do u tink i shd tell her tt i dun lyk it n she shd stop it cos it will hurt me more??

6:34 PM


Winnie,
Ha! i'm stil alive 4 1 more day.. surprisin?? hope so.. 2 day kanna scolded AGAIN!! k.. 2 me.. yinhong cher de scoldin is lyk.. no matter how much she scold me i no feelin le.. hu cares??

bt 1 ting.. 2day.. yinhong cher keep prasin zheng er.. sooo happy wor!! cos hav me ma.. so zheng er did e best.. :) i jus dun get e reason y i stil cnt get e rythem rt.. mayb i'm slow tt's all.. there's no secret b'hind my stupidd.. :)

sigh!! 2 day celia abit.. i dun understand how she cn change her face as fast as e roti prata side lidat.. she wan me go buy water wif her then tt tym mrs lim there.. i scared later mrs lim angry so i tell her mrs lim go le then i company her.. then wad i got was a black face lyk i did someting sry 2 her..

then she dun wan 2 b in GZ rm.. wan go out practice.. tt tym yinhong cher angry.. jus finish scoldin ppl.. then i say cnt la.. later cher scold.. then she gif me tt black face again.. wad did i did?? i jus wanna play safe oni wad.. can't she c my fear of hearin tt yinhong cher's "sing"??

then she wan me go toilet wif her.. i say ok.. then we go.. then mani ppl also cum.. cos break tym.. when we go bac.. she walk slowly.. tt tym i tokin 2 xinye.. but when she go bac 2 GZ rm.. gif me black face again.. wad did i did again?? i also dunno..

i noe she dun lyk sally.. mani ppl also dun lyk her.. i admit tt i dun really lyk her.. bt.. dun she tink tt her action n words may hurt her?? sally may seem 2 b happy n cheerful mos of e tym lyk i did.. bt hu noe if she mind??

i noe tt nt all ppl cn tak her irritation.. bt i dun tink tt tellin a fren 2 shut up n callin them names in serious tone is a gd way of tokin 2 a fren whom eu dun lyk..

in many ways.. i had try 2 tolerate her temper.. i've tried my best nt 2 say it out.. n tt's 1 of e reason y i private my blog.. i dun feel gd 2 let her frens c how she treated me.. bt hu cn i tell other than u?? my soft toys??

i dunno wad's goin on in her mind.. i thought i noe her n i could read her mind.. bt now.. i dun find her e same as las tym.. yes.. human does change.. bt i dun tink tt a human's nature will change.. mayb tis e real her n e celia tt i noe las tym was..?? i really dunno her.. i wanna had my life lyk las tym when i hav her as a pure n innocent gal n my daddy..

now.. daddy leave me.. frens r changin.. i feel tt my world had change too..

2day.. when i open my letter box. i receive a letter tt says tt i receive merit award.. i'm scard.. e 1st tym i got a gd progress award.. my great grandma leave me.. e 1st tym i got merit award.. daddy leaves me.. i dun wan my luv ones 2 leave me animore.. if really tt $250 was an exchange of luv ones.. i dun wan tt.. they're wu2 jia4 zhi1 bao3 to me.. no matter how much.. i won't agree 2 leave them..

now.. hu cn tell me tt they r my real frens?? n they won't leave me?? hu cn lend me a shoulder 2 cry on??

if celia.. eu got 2 c tis post.. i'm sry 4 everyting.. i jus cnt get over e " ".. i dunno how 2 accept eu.. pls gif me more time 2 do tt.. i promise i cn accept eu 1 day..

6:40 PM


Winnie,
glad 2 hear me again?? ha.. nearly die on tues.. kanna scolded more than 11 times.. hu on earth will get scolded soooo many times in a day.. more still 1 lesson.. then scoldin still nt enough lo.. still say me stupid.. more than 30 times.. m i really tt stupid?? ma de.. ask her go die la.. everyting also scold me..

on tt pathetic day i jus feel tt i soooo mighty.. u noe y? sally spread wrong sms then tell cher i spread de.. in e end i kanna scold bt i din say e truth.. then miaoshan n celia job nt even complete halfway n those done de some also wrong.. cher also scold me.. i also nv say aniting.. hais.. actually i wan say de.. bt..

sine i got scolded soooo mani times le.. 1 more time dun mak a different la.. then when i go find mrs lim 2 fotocopy score tt time.. tell her i kanna scold.. u will nv noe wad she told me.. she say me kanna scols le stil smilin.. of cos i'm smilin la.. if nt cry meh?? i won't cry cos of tt innocent scoldin de..

wad cn i do ar?? i did my job le.. so i nt guilty.. she scold me she tired oni ma.. i 1 ear in 1 ear out lo.. feel quite gd 2 hear her sing.. haha.. m i bein bad?? later her husband c le tell her how?? haha.. nvm.. i 4got tt my blog was private de.. :)

k.. dun tok abt tt stupid scoldin le.. i noe i nt stupid then cn le.. join GZ 1 yr plus le.. sense of b'longin hav is hav la.. at least my juniors luv me lots n i luv them too.. bt i jus cnt get all e beats rt.. sooooooo many egg in e score tt i'm playin.. cum out le cnt go in.. hais! i dun wanna go le..

btw.. i'm v.proud abt 1 ting.. when yinhong cher ask me translate e 5 line score on e bored i no longer nid refer 2 ani info le.. e moment when all my juniors admire my talent of memory was.. shok!!! I FEEL GOOD!!!!

I swear tt 1 day she will open her mouth big big n got nth 2 say abt me.. haha.. bt i'll prepare maskin tape 4 her.. in case she still cnt close her mouth at e end of e day.. :)

3:23 PM


Winnie,
its been days when i las tok 2 eu.. las sat.. i went 2 vista pt wif gor gor n mummy.. ... buy 8 guppies.. 2female.. 6male.. n 1 DBY.. but!! 2day oni left 2male n 2 female.. then e DBY wan die wan die lidat.. sob sob.. later gor gor cum bac frm his camp oni left 1 empty fish tank.. sigh!!

oh ya.. 1 more ting.. i cut my hair le.. abit concave.. nt obvious.. scared ltr kok c le wan chop me into mani mani pieces.. ... bt my fringe stil side de.. nice wor!!.. bt startin 2 grow pimples le.. OMG!! if i grow up hav $$ then i wan go 4 mani mani treatment.. ha.. :)

tmr hav GZ lesson le.. deadline cumin.. if u cn stil c me aft some time.. meanin i stil alive.. nt yet chop in2 mani mani pieces by yinhong cher.. bt 1 ting abt her i dun understand..how cum she luv me soooo much...?? i jus play well oni wad.. i dun tink tt's sth tt she cn luv me until.. erm.. dunno wad words 2 use 2 illustrate..

n more stil.. yiyun also play well ma.. ha.. now tokin abt yiyun.. luv e way i hav lesson wif her.. we hav e same toughts at times n we luv 2 tok bac together 2 wadeva yinhong cher says.. i sort of abit cyco cyco de.. luv 2 c yinhong cher speechless de look.. haha!! m i bein bad??

hais.. shd i say tt class chalet was a success?? xinfang was there keep irritatin me 2 pass msg 2 choo.. i nv go chalet wan me help.. dun mak sense rt?? she nid some1 to go pay cn ask frens hu went 4 e chalet de ma.. guai!!! then choo also dun reply me.. wad cn i do ar??

sigh! i finally get e meanin of wad is really 同人不同命。。

♥ Yim Yoke Leng
Currently 15
Hatch on 1st Feb
WRSS 4e1 (2010)

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